In a conversation i had a couple of days back, it struck me that i have not found what i wanna do with my life five years after i grad.

I am at my second job, a sucky position with no bright prospects. The company is heading nowhere and i would dread to go sinking with this ship. I am looking elsewhere, but where should i go? Should i leave without any clear idea in mind?

Or should i even leave at all?

I never believe in doing my utmost best for work. Life is short, and work should never be a priority in life. Work mainly serve the purpose of bring the bacon home, but home is where i need to bring the bacon to and not the office. I just need to do my part, the basic requirements.

I treasure relationships with the people around me. I am at this job because it gives me the time to do the things i want, to be with the people i want to be with. In short, i like the freedom. This is how a job should be.

Could i have done it differently? Probably. I could have another approach to my work, stay back as often as my colleagues to finish up everything way before deadline to score some impressive points with my boss. I could join as a shift engineer, work myself till i lose any last bit of my social life. I could apply for positions overseas. But at what price? I get to see less of my family, my friends. I probably won’t know how my dad’s sickness has worsen, how my niece learned to walk and pronounce names, how difficult it was for 33.3% to get his wedding arrangements done… and i will most prob still be single too. Giving my best shot at work means i have to fall short somewhere else in my life. There is no best win-win situation in life.

Is it all worth it?

I am having doubts now. Why should i continue? For who?

Not my parents. They are happily occupied taking care of my niece. Not my friends, they have a life going on their own.For my GF?

Its hard to keep up when i am feeling short-changed by her commitment to her job. She is a changed person ever since the current job started and i am losing the sense of familiarity with her. I never envision myself having a less-than family committed wife.

Its probably time i move on. Spend less time and efforts on people around me and focus on my personal/career aspects instead. I should start learn to enjoy myself more, get out to see and know more friends since time is of an abundance, especially when my GF may soon get posted overseas.

Who knows of what the future brings? Nothing is for sure, isn’t it?

If you know me personally, kindly read and forget. I will do the same too.