Today, 16th July is my 29th birthday.

I noticed that my feelings towards my birthday are not the same every year. I remembered looking forward to being sixteen but dreaded the “O" levels coming then. I remembered crossing over the teens and being twenty, something i saw as gaining adulthood. I remembered feeling a tinge of sadness when i was twenty-five, having cross the mid-mark of my twenties but here i am now, in my last year before i get into thirties.

How should one feel at the age of 29?

For some people i know, 29 is kinda symbolic becos it represents a year in which they make a final dash at their careers, hoping to reach another peak by the time they are 32~35. Some see 29 as the age to get married and settle down before 30. While i would like to carve out a career, i just don’t see how fulfilling and satisfying my current job can take me to. Engineering at my level is rather pathetic, a breakthrough in my current job is almost impossible and i can only look forward to every saturdays papers. While i would very much wanted a home of my own, i don’t see how it’s possible in the coming three years at least. HDB, in my opinion, did not set out to achieve cheap and reasonable prices for new homes to take care of people like me, but thats another story.

I won’t say i am very much looking forward to life after 29. Its just another year, another step towards working till the day i die and getting caught in a rat race like majority of the population.

So if there is one wish that can come true for me, i hope i can have the mental strength to take it all. By all, i mean:

1) Stop harbouring the hope that i am going to find an engineering job that is both satisfying mentally and fiscally. Engineering jobs suck at both for me. I should spend more time focusing on generating passive income but due to my laziness, complacency, i gave up trying.

2) Be receptive to how my parents’ health are not as good as before. I am not comfortable when i see that my father cannot perform simple daily tasks or my mother complaining of aches and pains. Its like some part of me cannot accept that as they grow old and with age, health problems will come. Some part of me just wish that they will remain the same, which is sadly, never possible.

3) Stop trying to be too smart. It was my own fault when i tot i had gotten a good price to buy my suzie. If i had waited, i would have saved a few grands at least, or may even have not bought the car. Yes, having my own car feels special (i won’t say shiok with the current oil prices and fucking ERP), washing little suzie actually feels refreshing (while the fad is still there) but there was really no need for me to get a car.

4) Stop reproaching myself on point above.

5) Find something really meaningful to do. I have always wanted to continue my japanese class but was not determined enough.

I wish i can be stronger, mentally, to take the daily challenges and whatever shit the gahmen throws at us.